New Letter from Christian College Interpreter

LETTER #3 (Day #41 of the War)

Traditionally, each year, I make a summary of last 12 months and the spiritual lessons associated with it. In December, I shared with my Telegram channel subscribers my thoughts that if I were asked to describe 2021 in one word, I would say “acceptance”.

· Acceptance of my age.

· Acceptance of my place of residence.

· Acceptance of my unmarried status.

· Acceptance of His will for my life because He is my Master.

I didn't come to accept these things because I understood something previously unknown to me; rather, because of the realization that obedience is more important than understanding my situation. God’s word IS ENOUGH for me to be assured of the goodness of God.

The other day I realized that this lesson is still relevant for me. I need to accept the will of God without understanding it, without asking questions, without being indignant.

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I live in Germany, together with my older sister and her son, in a house for Ukrainian women with small children. It is an ordinary house that was closed for the past three years, but now 13 people have settled into it and it has turned into a hostel. Everyone says that we are very lucky, because the second wave of refugees is being placed into containers, and a third wave into school gyms.

We don't have Wi-Fi, so I couldn't write this letter as soon as Pastor Bruce asked me to. Every day I wonder what am I doing in this country, in this village, in this house? What is my mission? My heart remains in Ukraine, although my body is in Germany.

People around us are very kind, but this kindness cannot fill the hole in my heart that opened on February 24th. When I go to church each Sunday, I meet friendly people who are ready to sympathize and help, but the difference in our mentalities does not leave me spiritually filled. Their sermons reflect their measured life, calmness and sufficiency, while I eagerly seek comfort, hope, and God's promises. Sometimes I feel like a lonely deer in a field among beautiful but strange trees, among green juicy grass that does not satisfy my hunger. I want to run away, but there is nowhere to run, and if there is such a place, then I don’t want to go there without the permission of the Shepherd, but He is silent ...

It is difficult for me to read the Bible qualitatively, to take new lessons for myself. All sensations have dulled and perhaps this letter will also seem chaotic. Not so long ago I read a passage that in peacetime I would not have paid attention to and would have just skimmed through it:

"For the Lord your God is the God of gods and the Lord of lords, a great, strong and terrible God, who does not look at faces and does not take gifts, who gives judgment to the orphan and the widow, and loves the stranger, and gives him bread and clothes." Deuteronomy 10:17-18

The three most vulnerable segments of society are orphans, widows and aliens. God placed me in their ranks so that I could feel His love from a new angle. And I do feel it. The stranger is deprived of all earthly supports - he is open to the physical and moral winds. We refugees are easily deceived, because we do not know the rules, language, customs of this new culture we are in. Others find it easy to judge us by comparing us for no reason with other refugees who have already done bad deeds. We are easy to use because we trust everyone who lends a helping hand. And, if not for the Lord and His protection, we would be the unhappiest of all people. But today I see how His hand is preparing for us everything we need for life and even more - there is not a day that we are not the recipients of good done by acquaintances or strangers. I have come to know a new characteristic of my Lord - He is the God of strangers.

No matter how well my body is, the soul is not always in sync with it. These last weeks have divided me into three layers - emotions, will and spirit - each of which has its own separate life. To the question "how are you?" I answer with great difficulty, because now there are three of me. I am "emotional" - disheveled, dangling in the winds of news, I am "strong-willed" - cold-blooded, dry, thoughtlessly fulfilling the new rules of someone else's life, I am "spiritual" - trying to inhale biblical oxygen, and avoid the carbon monoxide of the world. I try with all my might to keep the balance of the layers, but they often get lost in a lump.

"Let the unrighteous still do iniquity; let the unclean one still be defiled; let the righteous still work righteousness, and let the saint be sanctified still. (Rev. 22:12)

The above verses from Revelation remind me what to do now. There have always been two kinds of people in the world: the unrighteous and the righteous. And God gave everyone to do what he chooses. As long as the wicked use their time to swallow sin in their greedy agony, I must continue to be sanctified. Here and now. For some, each new day is an addition to the cup of God's wrath, for others, each new day is an opportunity to wrap up more and more in God's love.

It pains me to know what is happening in my country, where I am not and cannot help. Every day I read terrible news. At times I feel like a part of me dies with every death. The events in Bucha stunned many of us. We saw a very small veil of what the invaders are capable of and everyone has intensified their prayer even more for relatives and friends who remain at home ...

Currently my task, while reading such suffocating news, is not to allow my "layers" to fall into impiety, malice, hatred, human anger, which does not reflect God's truth. Don't just keep yourself from being defiled by staying neutral, but BE SANCTIFIED by BECOMING BETTER.

No events should destroy or suspend my likeness to Christ: they have no such power, unless I myself give them a mandate. Moreover, I can use these events the way a sailboat uses a contrary wind to move faster in the right direction. Today I am so clearly aware of the fact that there is not a single person in the world who would put the care of my spiritual state on his shoulders, except for myself. There is only I and Christ, and I only one of a stream of souls all headed toward a final judgment - for both the wicked and the saint – at the end of time... Let the wicked bathe in their wickedness, and the righteous be sanctified while we are given time for this.

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I sincerely thank you for your prayers for Ukraine. Everything is fine with my parents, friends and those from our church who remained in my hometown. They are actively working, helping migrants from the occupied regions with food, clothing and, of course, the Gospel. Many souls repent. Our youth leader at home told me that he has heard so many horror stories from people that it is hard for his heart to deal with them. Someone's relatives were killed. Someone was hiding on a tree in the forest for three days. Someone's brother lost his mind from what he saw as a soldier in Bucha. Someone was tortured by soldiers... We still need prayers. We are still dependent on Him in times of war and times of peace.